The Wordsmythe's Weblog…

…On Words, Love and Life

Hollywood, how far?

My friend and fellow blogger, Joxy expressed her gripe about Nollywood movies a few weeks ago here. It was quite interesting as it evoked similar feelings in most, if not all, the commenters who responded to the post. I would like to have a similar rant but this time about Hollywood movies.

We all know Hollywood is the standard every film industry strives to attain. It is the trendsetter, the pioneer in film technology and everyone wants a bit of what it has achieved. However, I think the success it has attained sometimes causes it to lose perspective and forget that we, the viewing public, are rational beings who won’t always suspend our sense of reality for the sake of being entertained.

How is it that in the movies so many people know how to pick a lock? And with ridiculous instruments like a hair pin or a nail file which they so conveniently happen to carry on their person? If it were so easy, I bet the burglary and break-in statistics in real life would be through the roof! Besides, people in the movies should know by now, having watched so many movies themselves, that they should ensure they have more secure locks on their doors.

I also wonder how they manage to open airplane doors mid-flight. In real life, it is impossible due to the pressure. And what’s with people being sucked out of large gaping holes in the fuselage which have miraculously appeared because a gun was shot? Again in real life, a gun shot would only create a tiny hole and decompression of the cabin would never be so rapid!

Why do the bad guys or ‘baddies’ as my son calls them usually have English accents? And not just your regular Joe Bloggs’ English accent, they actually sound like they went to public school!

Why is that whenever the baddies catch up with the good guys or cops in a chase, instead of finishing them off immediately, they proceed to give an elaborate and detailed speech, explaining how they carried out the crime thereby allowing back-up to arrive just in time? Another thing is when a couple is fleeing for dear life from a dangerous situation or person, the moment they feel they may have shaken off their chaser, they lock lips in a fierce embrace leaving you, the viewer, yelling  in exasperation at your TV screen for them to actually get to safety first!

How come there is usually always a parking space available in busy city centres like downtown New York, Manhattan, the West End or even the City for people in movies to pull into? I have to drive around several times to find one!

Doesn’t it strike you as strange that there is always a priest ready to take confession in a Catholic Church no matter what time of day or night people get there?

I’m always amazed at how people in the movies can look away from the road for minutes at a time while driving and hardly ever have an accident! It only takes a second or two of taking your eyes off the road for disastrous consequences to occur so I’m baffled how they get away with it time and time again.

Lucky them but how come people almost always wake up looking so good? No gunk and goo in the corner of their eyes, no dried streaks of drooling saliva on their cheeks, no dragon breath (this is evident from how they make out passionately), no tangled hair and the list goes on!

Don’t get me started on some of the outlandish stunts that we are supposed to watch with nary a raised eyebrow!

Something that never ceases to puzzle me is the fight scenes involving several baddies against one or a few good guys. How come the baddies only attack one at a time when they could so easily subdue their adversary by all attacking at once? Surely they are not that noble! I also wonder how most protagonists can walk away from a fight with their clothes still intact, not torn, creased or smudged!

I don’t watch horror movies any more but when I did, I couldn’t understand how it was that people could see a large, seemingly abandoned house in the middle of nowhere and still somehow reckon that that would be the best place to stop and ask for directions, to use the bathroom or even spend the night.  If I was dying of thirst or from pestilence, lost, had a broken limb or bursting to relieve myself and I saw one of those houses, I would run in the opposite direction for dear life and not look back. You wouldn’t even catch me in the vicinity of any such house in the first place.

In movies, anything is possible. I guess that’s why we watch them, we want to see things that wouldn’t or couldn’t happen in real life. I watch movies to be entertained and as an escape from reality but some of the above are a step too far. They make it impossible for me to remain in that state of make-belief and crash-land me back to earth with a harsh bump.

In spite of all I’ve mentioned, I will continue to be enthralled by the magic of movies. They provide a nice break from harsh reality.

Have you noticed any peculiarities, abnormalities or just plain unrealistic things in movies? Pray, do share!

Thanks for stopping by and tara for now.


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17 thoughts on “Hollywood, how far?

  1. You got it all down to a tee, dear.

    There’s so much I could add but here’s one that gets me all the time…how come the protagonist, at the very point where he’s about to expire from a good pummelling and subsequent strangulation by a baddie manages to look up, locate a weapon, reach for it and employ it to its full potential, ie terminating the bad guy….in the nick of time…

  2. But Nkem, thats the entire reason why we all sit down for 90 mins to watch movies. If they didnt fly of planes mid air and perform those crazy stunts, why would i sit to watch ordinary men and women do ordinary things?
    if we analyse it while we watch, it spoils the fun. the fun is for us to be captured in the amazing moment with the amazing feats, hearts pounding, palms sweating and then bang!
    we are back to reality. but for those few moments we lived wild!
    its called fun!
    just enjoy.

  3. Why do all numbers have to start with 555-

  4. I must admit i watch movies mainly to be entertained and as an escape from real life so while i expect certain things to be true to life, i also expect them to push the edges of reality beyond my imagination especially in Action/Thrillers. In other words, i expect theme to blow my mind. LOL

  5. My favorite movies most times are animated movies, and or Superhero blockbusters so you can imagine how much I love me some make-believe, lol. I get you though, sometimes, after watching with bated breath how Tom and Jerry fell halfway down a cliff and then were ‘magically’ catapulted back up, I have to laugh at myself.

  6. The Writer on said:

    Dear Wordsmythe,

    Good piece!

    The ones which made me giggle are the prolific lock-picking experts; and the constant good looks, even having just woken up! Still we can all dream…

    …I see you are writing more or less every day now; keep it up!

    • @ The Writer,

      Long time! Hope you are keeping well. I am trying to write a lot more regularly, signing up to the ‘post a week’ challenge has been a great motivator.

      Take care now

  7. I spent a few days mentally composing my reply, but it seems everything I was going to say has been said already. One of my best loved movies is Commando. In it, Sir Arnold Schwarzenegger the First (Yep, I’ve knighted him) single-handedly out-shoots an entire battalion of baddies. I think he gets a scratch or two in the process. With ammunition belts hanging off every part of his physique, it is sheer ballistic poetry in motion. Totally implausible, but I loved it. And his role in True Lies when he jumped from the roof of one building to another on a horse??? Sheer genius. Actually I can’t remember whether or not the horse jumped, but in my mind’s eye I think it did. Still sheer genius.

  8. Globetrotter on said:

    Classic. I’ve got a couple more.
    a) How about the fact that the heroes guns never run out of ammunition?
    b)Or as you and Joxy said – one superhero, hundreds of baddies. And yet, it seems like they are all waiting in line for their turn to fight. Why can’t they all just pounce on the superhero, together??? I know I’ve seen that happen at some Lagos busstops!

  9. Lol about the lip-locking scene. That really cracked me up.
    And yet these actors/actresses make so much money. ;-(

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