The Wordsmythe's Weblog…

…On Words, Love and Life

Letter to Flight Crew

Dear Virgin Atlantic cabin crew,

First let me compliment you on your lovely red uniform. You remind me of my days as a cabin attendant and how I wore my uniform with as much, if not more, pride. Those were good days! virgin-atlantic-airways-cabin-crew

I know it’s not the usual practice for passengers to write you letters. You expect a lot of things but a letter-writing passenger isn’t one of them. You expect that on every flight, you will have certain types of passengers including;

  • Difficult Darren – As he trundles down the jet bridge laden down with several pieces of ‘hand luggage’, you heave a sigh. You know that DD is going to refuse to check in any of those bags even when you ask him politely and will insist you find room for them in the overhead compartments. You know this is just the first of much aggravation he will cause you and you  wish it was standard policy to drug DD‘s and his ilk’s welcome-on-board drinks with Valium. Sigh!
  • Aisle Be Damned AlfredABDA loves aisle seats. He doesn’t seem to understand that the aisle is for public access as he spills over and out of his seat and stretches out his leg, tripping you up every time you walk down. He never apologises but instead glares at you for daring to invade what he considers his personal space. You pointedly ignore him, making sure to step over the offending appendage but you soon get your revenge when you push the trolley right into it. You put on an appropriate apologetic look while inquiring if he is alright, meanwhile you are tearing up with laughter on the inside. Serves him right!
  • Whining WinifredWW complains loudly about everything, the long check-in queues, the security checks, duty-free prices, her allocated seat, crying babies, the food and the list goes on. Nothing is good enough for her. She always has a notebook and pen handy to write down your name and spends hours everyday writing letters of complaint to airline management.  Unfortunately for her, there’s been a change of policy in doling out free tickets as compensation. She is not a happy camper. Tough!
  • Frequent Flyer Fredrick – You see FFF every few weeks. He’s pretty easy-going and you are on first-name basis with each other. When there’s a lull in your duties, he usually comes up to the galley and regales the crew with tales of his many travels. You make sure you upgrade him every chance you get. Nice guy!
  • Show-off SusanSoS usually flies Premium Economy but you would think it was First Class the way she carries on. She talks down to you as though you are subservient to her. She never says ‘please’ or ‘thank you’. She demands to be upgraded to Business or First Class every time as though it is her right, and insists on using their toilets as well. If she doesn’t get upgraded, then it has to be a bulkhead seat.  You happily oblige as you know that all the other seats on that row will be occupied by families with babies and young children. You send up a prayer of thanksgiving when the babies cry throughout the 10-hour flight. There is a God after all!

I bet you’re wondering why this passenger felt the need to write you a letter so I won’t waste any more of your time, I know you’re busy dealing with all of the passengers I mentioned above.

Well, you see, I’ve been looking forward to this trip for a long time. In the run up to now, I’ve been busy doing stuff, the stuff working mums do and I’m exhausted.  I really need to sleep. So I just wanted to ask that you please not wake me for any reason.   united-sleeping-passenger

Don’t worry about my safety, I will have my seat belt firmly in place under my blanket. Don’t worry about my food, I will have breakfast when I arrive. Don’t worry about any emergencies, I will wake up and take necessary action including shouting ‘the blood of Jesus’ loudly.

I know this is a rather unusual request but please humour me. Think of the benefits of granting my request;

One less passenger to serve.

One less tray to clear.

One less obstacle to meander around in the narrow aisle.

In effect, less work for you. And that’s always a welcome relief for cabin crew on a transatlantic flight.

I look forward to seeing you on boarding and again, on landing. Here’s to a smooth flight and hoping you get  the most compliant passengers you could ever have.

Yours sincerely,

The Wordsmythe

PS.  I thought you should know that I wouldn’t, at all, be averse to the idea of being upgraded. Not that I would ask though, far be it from me to do so! You already have your hands full and I would be the last person to want to burden you further.

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25 thoughts on “Letter to Flight Crew

  1. kemi on said:

    Lol, nice one dear. Funny piece! I wish you would truely send it in! It would be interesting to see if they respond and what their response would be!

  2. Special K on said:

    Hey….really funny! Especially “I will wake up and take necessary action including shouting ‘the blood of Jesus’ loudly” 🙂 and Show off Susan (SOS)!

    I also wish you could send it in, would be nice to see how they respond, and you just may get your upgrade too!

    BTW, I am very pro-Virgin Atlantic….

  3. Special K on said:

    Forgot to add….you wouldn’t want to be caught (not even in a coma!) In any of the uniforms worn by cabin crew in the local airlines these days…truth be told, I doubt if the real issue is what is being worn, its more like ‘what’ did they stuff into it???

  4. Hahahaha……Tu funi…oops! I meant too funny! Proper English here….Would also like to know how they’d react to reading this. I would totally send it in or better, hand it in as you climb aboard & lighten the trip with laughter for the entire crew!!

  5. Lmao @ shouting blood of Jesus….

  6. Katriel on said:

    Great piece and would love to see their reaction 🙂

    • Thank you, Katriel.

      When I saw your name, I was in mild shock. I thought someone had hacked my blog. Katriel is a name Mo Cushla and I chose for our daughter way back when we first got married and started talking baby names. Wow! I used it as a password for years.

      Everyone who’s commented has suggested I actually send the letter in. I have printed a copy and will see how things go tonight.

      I’ll let you know how I get on. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

      • Katriel on said:

        Hiya wow what a small world. I havent heard anyone else with that name most people think its just a funky name 🙂 If i have a daughter her name will be Katriel.

        LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING THE COMMENTS 🙂

  7. Ileni on said:

    This is a beautiful piece. Please send it in. I would like to know the outcome if you do eventually send it in.

  8. CityDiva on said:

    Wordsmythe, execellent piece, I couldnt stop laughing. I wonder which group I fall into ?? Would love an upgrade oooooh. May there come a time when we wont need upgrades 🙂 🙂

    • Hmm, CD! I may have to create a special category just for you. I would have observed your in-flight behaviour tonight but alas, I need my beauty sleep!

      Amen to not needing upgrades soon!

  9. LOL. You should send it. You might get upgraded too. 🙂

  10. CityDiva on said:

    My in flight behaviour is cool, calm and collected. Very dignified and lady like 🙂
    Please send in the letter, perchance will all get upgraded 🙂 🙂 🙂

  11. lovely letter! do send/hand it in…it would definitely be a good laff for the crew and who knows? you just might get that upgrade as a reward for your next flight…

  12. Don’t worry about printing it! I tweeted it to Virgin Atlantic and Richard Branson! Lets see what the response will be……:-D

  13. Well I did hand the letter to the Virgin flight crew on the 23rd of May. They read it and had a good laugh. I didn’t get an upgrade but I did get a row of four seats all to myself so I was able to sleep for almost the entire duration of the flight.

    Thanks for all your feedback.

    GK, I would love to hear Richard Branson’s response 😀

    • Kemi on said:

      Nice one Nkem. Wish I could’ve seen there to see their faces and reactions when they read it! You never know, they may pass it unto management and you may get that upgrade after all. Fingers crossed! Hugs

  14. I(F)O on said:

    WOW. I am impressed you did. You never know, maybe they’ll remember you next time and give you the upgrade whn you least expect it.

  15. Itoro on said:

    Lovely piece Kemsy. Did you really send it to them? Would have been interesting to read their response but then again, they probably would be too busy attending to DD or WW or any of the others, lol. Love your categorization of the passengers. Makes me wonder where I fit in.

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