The Wordsmythe's Weblog…

…On Words, Love and Life

Open letter to hairdressers

Dear Hairdresser,

Just in case you missed it, it is summer. As a matter of fact, today, temperatures reached a record 30C. It is hot swelteringly hot. Now would be a good time to ensure you maintain your personal hygiene particularly in the parts of your anatomy that will inadvertently be in the general vicinity of my olfactory organs.

At the first whiff of the rather unpleasant odour from your underarms as you leaned over to wash my hair, my nerve endings went into overdrive as they tried to unscramble the frantic message my brain was sending them.

armpit sweat

β€œShut down olfaction with immediate effect,” it yelled to the already overworked nerves. The poor things had their work cut out for them trying to regulate my body temperature on such a hot day. So it took them slightly longer than normal to respond to this command.

If I wanted to break the world record for holding my breath, I would have trained as a free-diver and perhaps made some money out of it. I have no wish to keel over and die prematurely with my head hanging over a sink and my hair dripping wet! Imagine what my epitaph would read?

Here lies The Wordsmythe

Knocked out by foul-smelling underarms

I avow this is no myth

They might as well have been firearms.

Please, do the needful.

Thanking in you advance for your usual co-operation.

Yours sincerely,

The Wordsmythe.

P.S I must not fail to add that you did a cracking job on my hair. I have no complaints regarding that.







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22 thoughts on “Open letter to hairdressers

  1. Eeewooo!!! Laff wan tia ma belle…..I sincerely hope she doesn’t read your blog or you may not smell anything next time but have serious complaints about your hair! Totally can relate!

  2. Joxy on said:

    Ha ha ha! Pele. Maybe you should give her some deodorants as an early Christmas present?

    • Joxy, I foresee a few difficulties carrying out your suggestion;
      1. Christmas is six months away
      2. Deodorants aren’t exactly your typical Christmas pressie
      3. Will she use them?
      Questions, questions, questions!

  3. njide egbuna on said:

    This is just too funny for words!..classic!.focus on the smokin hair do hun!…can’t stop laughing though

  4. Kemi on said:

    OMG, this is a classic! Just when i think you can’t top your open letter to virgin you produce this! Lmao! Nkem you’ve killed whoever this lady is! Just pray she doesn’t read your blog or knows anyone who does………relaxer can be used as a weapon of mass destruction oooooo!

    • Kemi, you don’t need to tell me about destructive powers of relaxer o! I have been there before and I didn’t even say anything to be so punished. Never again!

      On that occasion, the hairdresser (not this one) started applying the relaxer to the front of my hair then got midway and realised it wouldn’t be enough and there was no more in the salon. She left me with half my hair slowly cooking in the chemicals to go and buy some more to finish off. By the time she got back, the front hair was well and truly cooked.

      Needless to say, I looked like a half-cooked turkey, with the feathers still on! Like I said, never again!

      • Kemi on said:

        Ouch, I feel your pain! Toying with a lady who has several arsenals and methods of dealing with your hair is not advisable o. I will be seriously praying she doesn’t get wind of this letter, because if she does, trust me, the ‘half cooked turkey look’ will be sexy compared to what she’ll unleash on your head!

  5. Beautiful. I enjoyed reading it.

  6. Oh wow. Can’t stop laughing.

  7. Ha! Ha! and double Ha! Wonderful and funny! Couldnt stop laughing! Upon first seeing the title of this piece, I don’t quite know what I expected it’d be about, but it certainly was a pleasant and funny surprise. Well done, as always!

  8. LOL
    I hope you sent this to the hairdresser!

  9. Adaku O on said:

    lmao. this is hilarious

  10. Special K on said:

    LMAO @ “They might as well have been firearms”. Hilarious (but true) piece!!!

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