Letter to Eyebrow Threader
Dear Eyebrow threader,
It is with a heavy heart that I write you this letter. You see, I’m very upset by the state of my eyebrows since I visited your beauty shop.
I am naturally endowed with rather bushy eyebrows as you may have noticed. It runs in the family. WEO and EDU are similarly endowed. As a matter of fact, until quite recently, EDU’s were so thick that they formed a uni-brow, you couldn’t tell where one stopped and the other began.
You may not know this but I prefer to have them threaded rather than waxed or tweezed. As painful as they all are, I find threading the quickest and most efficient as opposed to the long drawn out torture of the other methods. It is for this reason that I came to you. That, and your reduced rates as advertised on the hand-painted sign board just outside your shop.
Perhaps the spelling, or shall I say mis-spelling on the board should have served as an omen of things to come. However, I didn’t want to be pedantic so I dismissed it as the work of a non-English speaker. Spelling ‘eye brows’ as ‘eye bros’, ‘upper lip’ as ‘opa leap’ and ‘manicure and pedicure’ as ‘manikyor and pedikyor’ is fairly easy for someone who doesn’t speak English well.
When I came to get my eyebrows tamed and teased into shape, I asked you to keep the thickness but shape them nicely and maintain their natural arc. You didn’t even let me finish before you cut in, a tad indignant, “I do it ‘tick’, yes, ‘tick.’”
So you can imagine my shock and horror when I looked in the mirror after you’d finished to find my luscious eyebrow locks almost completely shorn. All that was left in their place was a thin strip of hair. I tell you, I would have had more hair there if I had alopecia!
I didn’t need to come to you if this was what I wanted. If I’d wanted to replicate the look sported by Eucharia Anunobi of Nollywood fame now turned Evangelist, I would have armed myself with a shaving stick then let WEO and EDU loose on my face with an eyebrow pencil. They would probably have done a better job.
I’m not pleased in the least. I know you apologised and explained that you got a bit carried away but how does that help me in any way
Now I have to walk around with semi-nude brows until the hairs grow out, God alone knows how long that will take. It would be in my best interest, and yours, if I didn’t darken your doorstep again. I would much rather look like a Sasquatch than have you or your weapon of mass destruction, the thread, come within a mile of my face. I may not be responsible for what I would to do to you should this indignity reoccur.
I can only pray that no other customer suffers a similar indignity at your hands.
Farewell and good riddance,